


Can You Imagine?

by IAmHoussem17



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alexander Hamilton Angst, Alexander Hamilton Messes Up, Alexander Hamilton/Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler-centric, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Tragedy, Canon Compliant, Canon Era, Canon Het Relationship, Canon Universe, Canonical Character Death, Dead Philip Hamilton, During Canon, Eliza Schuyler-centric, Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler Deserves Better, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Family Feels, Feels, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hurt, Hurt Alexander Hamilton, Hurt No Comfort, John Laurens Dies, Mentioned John Laurens, Minor Alexander Hamilton/Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler, POV Alexander Hamilton, POV First Person, Poor Philip Hamilton (1782-1801), Post-Reynolds Pamphlet, Song: Blow Us All Away (Hamilton), Song: It's Quiet Uptown, Song: Non-Stop (Hamilton), Song: Say No To This (Hamilton), Song: Stay Alive (Reprise), Song: Tomorrow There'll Be More of Us, The Reynolds Pamphlet, Tragedy, Work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-02
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:09:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25667977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IAmHoussem17/pseuds/IAmHoussem17
Summary: I know that I hurt you. I know that nothing I can say will change the past. But…I’m hoping that you’ll forgive me in the end. I’m hoping that I can make this right.
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton & Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler, Alexander Hamilton & John Laurens, Alexander Hamilton & Philip Hamilton & Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler, Alexander Hamilton & Philip Hamilton (1782-1801), Alexander Hamilton/Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler
Comments: 2
Kudos: 27





	Can You Imagine?

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, it would've been better if he realized it earlier. But hey, better late than never.

Everything is my fault. Everything.

Everyone thinks I'm too prideful and stubborn to admit such a backbreaking responsibility, but I'm not. Not when it hurts who I love the most.

So here I am, Betsy. Admitting every single terrible thing I did that led up to this, big or small.

I turned you away and buried myself in work to deal with the grief of a friend's death, instead of sitting down and talking. I had a loving family that would've been there for me, but I did what I always did to numb my feelings, because I never _had_ a loving family before...

And that led to me being so fixated on getting my plan through that I turned down your invitation and stayed home to work on it. Oh, how I wish that I took a break...  
That was not the only mistake I made that day. The day our son turned nine and I forgot about it until you reminded me.

I remember the desperation and excitement in your beautiful face and soothing voice as you dragged me. It used to be a sweet memory, but now it turned into something that hurts me every time I recall it.

My urge to assist women got me in that corner that I would not be able to escape. I was only thinking about myself and the situation I've been pulled through. Never did anyone else cross my mind. I was selfish. I didn't think about my family. My children. You, my wife.

Now everybody knows what happened. Every detail, every single line in that horrific story that I was the hero of...or was I the villain?

...

Things only got worse from here. I don't wanna remind you...but we lost him...because he was defending my honor and because he followed my instructions.

I killed my son. Our son.

If it were in my power, I'd take it all back.

All my life, writing had been my solution to everything. But it cannot reverse time.

It cannot undo mistakes.

**_It cannot bring back the dead._ **

I have much more to say to you but I can't handle my emotions right now, so I'll end this here with this:

I know that I hurt you.

I know that nothing I can say will change the past.

But…I’m hoping that you’ll forgive me in the end.

I’m hoping that I can make this right.

_A.H_

**Author's Note:**

> Even if he doesn't deserve her, they're still the official couple in my book :'D


End file.
